Homeland security in its never ending battle against terror plots (real or imagined) now plan to test all airline passengers for the e. coli bacteria. Because the enemy is scary all bacteria must in turn be as scary as well. An undisclosed source was quoted as saying “we intend to make sure no one is allowed to board a plane without a clean gut, no bacteria will be allowed to impede the safety other passengers no matter what the cost”. When questioned about how passengers would be able to digest food with the lack of the intestinal floral that aids in digestion the same source was quoted as saying “we plan on passing out starter gruel that contains all the necessary “good bacteria” developed under the guidance of homeland security. The American public have nothing to fear as your government has everything under control”
Of course the preceding statement is based on a very slim understanding of the science of how an actual human digestive system works but I have to say I probably did a little more research that our government and the FBI did in this case as detailed by Tara C. Smith
In May 2004 the Kurtzes were preparing to present Free Range Grain, a project examining GM agriculture…when Hope Kurtz died of heart failure. Police who responded to Kurtz’s 911 call deemed the couple’s art suspicious, and called the FBI. The art materials consisted of several petri dishes containing three harmless bacteria cultures [the two mentioned above plus E. coli--TS], and a mobile lab to test food labeled “organic” for the presence of genetically modified ingredients. As Kurtz explained, these materials had been safely displayed in museums and galleries throughout Europe and North America with absolutely no risk to the public.
The next day, however, as Kurtz was on his way to the funeral home, he was illegally detained by agents from the FBI and Joint Terrorism Task Force, who informed him he was being investigated for “bioterrorism.” At no point during the 22 hours Kurtz was held and questioned did the agents Mirandize him or inform him he could leave. Meanwhile, agents from numerous federal law enforcement agencies – including five regional branches of the FBI, the Joint Terrorism Task Force, Homeland Security, the Department of Defense, and the Buffalo Police, Fire Department, and state Marshall’s office – descended on Kurtz’s home in Hazmat suits. Cordoning off half a block around his home, they seized his cat, car, computers, manuscripts, books, equipment, and even his wife’s body from the county coroner for further analysis. The Erie County Health Department condemned his house as a possible “health risk.”
A week later, only after the Commissioner of Public Health for New York State had tested samples from the home and announced there was no public safety threat, was Kurtz allowed to return to his home and to recover his wife’s body.